she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
