so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
