I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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