walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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