I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
