are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
