I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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