I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
