Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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