Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
