the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
