shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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