garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is the high leading the old right now
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
