3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
