i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
