Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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