Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is Oprah even human
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
