Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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