Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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