I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
