Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
