allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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