you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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