You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
