YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
