HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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