I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
