nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
