Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
