I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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