I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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