I'm really into asian looking animals
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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