I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
