There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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