textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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