I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
