Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
