he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
