just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
