So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
