I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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