Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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