Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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