i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
