I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
