I bet he comes in French.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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