i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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