I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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