I want to stick my p in your. b.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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