its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
